Ohanawana!

Everyone knows about those annoying bell-ringers for Salvation Army.

Did you know that tonight, I rang the bells and sang songs and everything? And my ears are ringing from it augh.

Ohanawana!

That's what you say when... I don't know. It's just a thing to say when we do this. We did it last year too. And I think the store that we did it at probably hates us because we sang Dr. Horrible and A Very Potter Musical and various other things and we rang a billion bells really loudly all at the same time.

I'm really tired now because of it. I didn't think that singing and Ohanawanaing and ringing bells and thanking people for their donations was as tiring as it actually is.

I thought I would have a lot to write on this fabulous bell-ringing topic, but I guess my brain just doesn't work because it's not even that late and I was bloofling today.

Have a llama.

I WON.

So if you can't tell by that nifty little gadget on the left side of this squishy, I won NaNoWriMo. I feel really accomplished because I didn't do any copy/pasting (okay a little at the very end because the counter on the NaNo site was saying that I had 1.5k less than I actually do.

I won before two of my friends and I was absolutely certain that both of them were going to finish before me, if I finished at all, but I BEAT THEM. GO ME. SUCK IT.

Also, my wife stopped her novel just before half-way, which bothered me because her novel was fabulous and fabulous and augh, screw you wife.

I'm nowhere near finishing my novel, but I will take a well needed break from working on it. Until winter break, at least. November has ended two days early. :D

In related news, I bought myself Sims 3 as a reward for myself for finishing the freaking thing. Turns out my computer (an old mac mini) doesn't have the video card for it. So if I want to play it, I'll have to play on my mother or brother's computer. Screw that.

Today marks the last day of Thanksgiving break and I only have to survive a few more weeks after this until winter break, which is nice and lovely.

Prepare for me posting more often and having much wittier posts than this.

My mother almost kinda-sorta could have run over an old man on Saturday.

I am very well aware that it's been...er... more than a week since I last blogged. I feel quite terrible about it. But I do not feel terrible that I am actually doing my homework and I'm doing extracurricular things as well. And I'm not being the anti-social person I was last year, cause last year I would go home as soon as school was over and just sleep.

Also, I was planning on posting this two days ago (Saturday) but then Blogger decided to hate me and when it started working again, Firefox quit, so I took it as a sign that I was not meant to blog that night.

So. Attention all ye stalkers. I'm going to be giving hints whereish I liveish. Not really kinda. But if you're an amazing stalker, then I bet you can figure it out. Not that I'm inviting you to do that or anything. But yeah. But I'm only giving this disclaimer because I have a flag counter that says that I have viewers from other countries. So maybe people other than my friends read this.

So. We live in a town where we have obnoxious football fans storming the stadium once a week during the fall. And it just so happens that my mother's friend from like... middle school that she still nerds with weekly is a policey person who has to make sure people don't get themselves run over. And so my mother decides most every week to be a nice person and bring her hot chocolate or chocolate or something yummy so that she doesn't die. I'm always forces along because my mother has to drive and I hop out and we meet at a secret location.

On this occasion, people were being stupider than usual and biking into the street in front of us while we're going pretty fast and they're walking in the street and augh. And we were stopped kinda close to where my mom's friend was. So I was all 'Hey, I'll just get out now, toodles.'

AND THERE'S THIS OLD MAN ON THE SIDEWALK. And I don't know what he's doing. Right before I got out, it looked like he was going in a circle or something. And when I got out, I think I might have freaked him out or something, and he fell in front of my mother's car. She was stopped. But he was still on the ground. And I was just standing there with my jaw on the ground, holding a hot cocoa while some smart people from the sidewalk help him up. And my mom told me to leave the scene of the crime, which I totally think was illegal or something. And I delivered the hot cocoa all shocked-like.

That was my little adventure of the week.

I'm home sick today from school since my darling wifey probably gave me her disease. I have the icky sore throat and I couldn't sleep at all last night. And I think I will wrap up this post so that I can eat ice cream and watch a sick movie.

There are three books that I cannot finish no matter how hard I try.

There are only three books in all of existence that I have tried to read but absolutely could not finish because I thought it was so horrible or I just hated how the story was going. I am planning on trying to finish one of them before Tuesday, though. Maybe. Probably not, though.

Book number one... The strangely semi-popular Eragon series thing. I'll list off all the things that I find wrong with it.

• Wasn't it supposed to be just two books then moved to a triogy and now four? I hate it when authors do that. Like Smeyer. I wouldn't mind it if Suzanne Collins did it. I want another Hunger Games book, possibly from the point of view of Peeta.
• I never really was into the whole fantasy dragon stuff. Sci-fi and supernatural things are more my style. 
• The writing is overly... over. Y'know what I'm talking about, don'tcha?
• He wrote it when he was what... sixteen or seventeen? I've spoken to people before about how people should wait to publish their novels until they're older because their writing style changes and it's all weird. And I've had angsty conversations with Wiffy on this topic. Specifically referencing this author guy. Which I can't remember. Christopher P....
• The intro is so long and boring. I just remember just a flood of detail and I was what... eleven or twelve when I tried to read it? I don't care about all the whatevers of the forest and all the complicated things that I can't be bothered to remember now. I just know that there was a rock/egg thing.

I can't think of anything else at the moment. But I have to say that there is one thing that I admire about the author guy. Apparently it's been two years since his last book came out and people are going insane waiting for the fourth and he's not succumbing to the pressure, which is what I think Suzanne Collins did. That's probably why Hunger Games was the best of the trilogy because she had no one to bother her about finishing it but herself. And Catching Fire she had a lot of people which was why the time in the arena was so short. And before Mockingjay there we so many rabid fans, we can say safely that the reason that the ending was so rushed and Finnick didn't even get a paragraph was because she has succumbed to pressure.

Every girl reads the second book in elementary school/middle school. My friends were always talking about it and when they asked me what I thought of it, I always shrugged it off and said that I didn't really like it. They ignored me and continued. I never really opened a copy of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants until I got it for Christmas from my grandparents two years ago. Whuppee. I decided that I had nothing better to do over winter break, so I tried to read it. I could not get past the tenth page, I just hated the writing style so much. And it was just so cliched. I don't mind the movie, though. I watch it occasionally on sick days along with the Harry Potter movies, Finding Nemo, The Emperor's New Groove and Charlie's Angels.

The third book I read last summer along with its prequel, Peeps. It's by Scott Westerfeld and it's called The Last Days. I don't know why I hated it so much. Scott Westerfeld is one of my heroes and I love all of his books. Except that one. It just bothered me so much. I totally know what happens, though, since Wiffy told me.

And now, since it's one in the morning and I plan to get up early to go biking for a long time and then BBQ and then dance in the streets, I shall retire. Also, please vote on my villain poll.

P.S., school starts the day after tomorrow.

P.P.S., I want a pet octopus.

Blogging warnings, side-effects and guidelines.

Warnings for Bloggers.

• Not for rectal use.
• Do not operate heavy machinery while blogging is on the brain.
• Do not combine with alcohol or else you'll wake up the next morning to find that you have drunkenly posted that your wife's ex-wife's brother's mother's sister is pregnant with her brother's child. And we don't want that being said on the internet.
• Do not combine with nail polish fumes.
• Not intended for use with children under five.

SIDE-EFFECTS

Side effects may include any of the following:

• Obsessive blogging. 
• Talking about blogging more often than normal.
• Obsessively checking your watchers and seeing if there are any new ones.
• Obsessively checking your pageview count and seeing how many more people have seen your blog in the past day.
• Constantly trying to perfect your blog's layout.
• Linking all of your friends to your blog more than once when not asked, causing extreme frustration.
• Spending several of your waking hours blogging, plotting what to blog about, and finding/drawing pictures.
• Frequent questioning of friends and families for things to blog about.
• After something fun/exciting/momentous happens, planning in your head how you're going to blog it.
• Saving the links of a billion cool pictures so that maybe one day, you'll need it for your blog.

• Try and blog once a day for obsessive people and a few times a week for the faint-hearted.
• Try not to rant excessively. It makes people sad.
• Do it on a full stomach.
• Keep away from doing two of the almost same thing in a row. Example: Two book reviews in a row. Or two things you can do with ____.
• use prper langaug. dont typ lik dis. evry tim u do georg bush killz a bby panda
• Talking about yourself all the time makes people think you're self-centered. Be a good person and talk about other things.
• Less is more. Sometimes only a few pictures is better than a billion, and a sentence could easily take the place of a long-winded paragraph.
• Take it with root beer, nothing else works.
• Proof read and spell check if you have doubts.
• Be opinionated. Try and spark conversations.

I hope that everyone benefits from these, I'm sure they'll help you.

Due to the strange questions asked by wifey, this post will involve rainbow cake.

So, wifey wants to know good ways to come out. I suspect it's because she's secretly gay. She came up with a fabulous way to come out.

Step one: Make a rainbow cake.
Step two: Write 'I'M GAY!' on the top of it.
Step three: Gather your immediate family and friends, but don't tell them why.
Step four: Present your cake.
Step five: Glare angrily at everyone while they laugh and say 'I always knew something was special about her!'

I hope all y'alls understand that that is exactly what will happen when wifey comes out.

I think these are very important for my readers to know when/if they ever need to know these things.

Other fabulous ways to come out that I have made up or found on the internet.....

• Go to the contacts on your phone, close your eyes and scroll through randomly. Press the call button whenever you feel like it and when the person answers, yell 'I'M GAY!' and then hang up. Rinse and repeat.
• Go up to random people on the street and introduce yourself by saying 'Hello! I'm (insert your name here). I'm gay.'
• If you're a guy, be all stereotypical and start lisping and picking out people's outfits for them. :D
• Get a tattoo. But only if you're really really sure that you're gay.
• Paint your car rainbow!
• Write an insanely long, heartfelt letter and then sign it. Afterwards, write 'P.S., I'm gay.' and then send it.
• Buy an ad in the paper and have it be a picture of you holding a sign that says 'I'm gay!'.
• Invite your friends over to your house and tell them to go straight to your room. Be hiding in your closet, and when they arrive, jump out and tell them that you've just come out of the closet.

• Be the guy pictured above.

•  Tell the girl who is in love with you with notes between window.
• Go somewhere outside and have a plane write a message in the sky. Ex: 'I'M GAY!'
• Make a t-shirt that says 'I'm gay!' on it and wear it to school/work/out and about.

That's all I can think of. I feel that now you readers are extremely educated on the art of coming out.

All I have left to show of my adventure are two skinned elbows and several billion aching muscles.

So, as a few of you may know, I went on an adventure today. It was a very adventurous adventure.

First, I sat in my wife's car for an  hour and a half. We played Boxers or Briefs™. (At least I think it's ™'d. It's this fabulous game that's too hard to explain unless there are cards or something to show y'alls.

Then... WE ARRIVED AT SLIME LAKE.

Slime Lake is really called Lime Lake, but my wife calls it Slime. And I agree with her because it's super slimey and icky. Only the bottom, though. And it gets deep really fast, so you can hardly tell.

Anyway, we totally ate delicious foods and talked about random mangas and webcomics that I don't know about but I still know who the characters are and they all have insanely similar names like Fai and Faye or something and when people are talking really fast they sound exactly the same and it was soooo confusing. That was an extremely long sentence.

After we ate delicious foodies, we decided that it would be a FABULOUS idea to go and tube. I think we forgot that you need just a bit of upper body strength to tube. We also forgot that none of us people that were there has the required OVER NINE THOUSAND upper body strength level. So we spent an hour or three skinning our elbows and knees, trying to climb onto the tubes that hate us so. But it was fun. And I lost two or more of my bracelets in the process because I was too lazy to take them off. And they were both really cool ones. They were all beaded and one was from Mexico and the other was from Africa. Well, I guess the fish can be beautiful now.

After we had been yanked around enough and we couldn't feel our fingers or faces anymore, we stopped (after abandoning wifey), ate some more and then ran around in a graveyard. And by running around, I mean we walked really slowly and walked on gravestones and stuff and then sat on this conveniently placed bench and talked about chundering. It was very happy-making. And by the way, there really was a grave thingy that said Fish on it. There was also one that said Lazer.

Then I decided that we were bored, so we went back to the placey place and ate popcorn and played Chinese Checkers for all of five minutes and when wifey and I decided that we should swim before we had to go home, I smashed all the marbley things.

And THENNNN we went back into the lake, but this time we had NOODLES instead of life jackets and everyone was really lame and wanted to just sit on their noodles and talk, but I wanted to swim and try to drown people. But nooo, they wanted to stay floating so that they could breathe. Lammmmmmme. We swam for a while and waved at a boat. And Bethy-kun decided to ask us—really loudly while the boat was really close—if we should shout something awkward at them. Actually, it might have been the Turnip.

And then we were tired and went home. And I am going to be in so much pain tomorrow, I am so screwed.

So that was my lovely adventure today.  I need to sleep because tubing and swimming takes a lot more out of you than you would think.

Why do YOU less than three the devil?

Let me start off first by saying that this picture is pretty much completely incorrect. In the spelling/grammar type way.

• Homo's

Homo's are quite fabulous. I love how that is the first thing on that list.

• Druggies

Druggies are not fabulous because they do drugs. DRUGS ARE THE DEVILLLL. :O

• Gangster's

I think that gangster's are pretty pimpin'. Except the whole pants thing. (I would like to note that the first time I tried to type the word 'pants', it ended up as 'plants'.)

• Feminist's

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. Also, men are okay as long as they stay in the kitchen where they belong. And if they make me a sammich.

• Mormon's

lulz, UTAH. My grandmother is a Mormon thing.

• Buddhist's

Dood. Buddhist's are really sweet. It's all 'HAHAHA. I WAS A UNICORN IN A PAST LIFE AND YOU WERE A FREAKING DUNG BEETLE. I WIN.'

• Drunkard's

Hey, some of my best friends are Drunkard's. HAHAHA JAYKAY. I think drunk people can do what they want. As well as less than three the devil.

• Bahi's

I feel really stupid, but I had to wiki this. I just read probably half of the article and I still don't know what it is.

• Catholic's

I'm guessing that the people who are displaying this sign are from WBC. Catholics are kinda... weird.

• Wifebeater's

I BEAT MY WIFE. I take that as an insult.

• Atheist's

I'm sure a bunch o' people read that and laugh. They don't believe in the devil. Haha. :D Whoever wrote that sign looooooses.

• New ager's

Y'know, I'm not even going to comment.

• Democrat's

Democrats will freaking rule the world. 'Nuff said.

• Environmentalist's?

Uh... WHAT? People who care about the Earth less than three the devil? If anyone, it's the idiots who wrote that. They're the ones who are not recycling and using giant trucks and SUVs that take up so much uckyness. They're probably the people behind the oil spills too.

• P.K.'s

Huh? I'm probably overlooking something totally obvious that I already know of, but all I'm getting when I wiki it is a type of car. Yes. A type of car less than threes the devil.

• Abortionist's

Is that even a group thingy? I've never heard that term before. Whatever.

• Effeminate men

Good golly. These people are so horrible. Effeminate men are the most fabulous thing ever. Do they not want the world to be fabulous? Curse them.

• Racist's

Clearly, these people are racists. That means that they less than three the devil. Go logic fail!

• Scientologist's

I think that sciencey people are the most fab. Don't you? I mean, they're all sciencey and smart.

• Emo's

Emo's are super cool. They're all raccoon like and they have hair that is in their faces. I don't see how they don't run into walls every other second. I guess that is a skill that emo's have and that makes them much cooler. Plus, they empty their emptiness by slitting their wrists. With cell phones. So parents, don't let your children have cell phones in case they're emo and want to empty their emptiness.

I am far too lazy to do the rest. But I want to say that I am more fabulous than everyone else. I believe that I will do a book review tomorrow. It will be on Unwind.

Also, note to everyone:
I purposely did the 's stuff to make fun of the poster thing in the picture. I did not do it on purpose, though some people think I did and felt the need to correct me.

Happy Friday the thirteenth!

If you have not ever seen a meteor shower in your young/old life, I command you to immediately go watch one the next time one's all meteory. And make sure to bring a half billion of your friends because it definitely would not have been as fun as it was without them.

I officially love my little brother because of what he made me promise before I left. "Erin, promise me that if one of the meteors falls and you catch it, you'll bring it home so that we can make a space sword." How beautiful is that? Coolest little boy ever.

I love Friday the thirteenth. It seems to always be a lucky day for me. I'm waiting for something fabulous to happen. I guess seeing that meteor shower was pretty fabulous, but I need MOAR.

...Several hours later...

DURN IT. Nothing. Ah, well, there's always the next time.

Ten days until Mockingjay comes out. I am super mega epically GEEKED OUT.

Less than a month until school starts. I'm thinking that I'll be blogging every other day during the school week and then both Saturday and Sunday.

Because I am a lazy person and I got only an hour of sleep last night (while on the lumpy ground and mosquitoes were buzzing in my ear) and a few earlier today for a nap, I am not going to blog any more. I may or may not have a long post tomorrow because some relative-y type people are in town and we are hanging with them.

I will end with this lovely picture that my wife (she's not my ex-wife anymore!) linked me to.