Review: The Last Failbender

So I'm trying to write this blog post, right? But there's a book in my lap that's forty pages away from being finished. So I've decided that since I promised myself to blog (and I've looked down while writing the past three sentences exactly four times—wait, five) I'm going to just be lazy and copy/paste this fab review of a movie that I wrote.

If you didn't know, I'm the biggest Avatard ever. If you're all :O lolwat and confused about what that is, it means that I'm a super-mega-epic fangirl of Avatar: The Last Airbender. But not the movie. Get that straight. For anyone who hasn't seen the show, WATCH IT in its entirety (or at least the first season) before going to see the movie. It will brainwash you with LIESSSS.

So.... here's my review!

I think I should start this review by saying that this movie sucks. If I were a real reviewer person and gave it stars, I would give it a 0/5. Is that even legal? I don't think I've ever seen a review, no matter how crappy, that gave the movie a 0.

First, I'll touch on the character names.
~Aang is pronounced like AH-ng.
~Iroh like EAR-ro.
~Sokka like SOH-ka.
And the two worst things of all....
~'Avatar' with a long a, like AAAAAAAAH-va-tar
~Agni Kai like 'Agni Key'.

Now that I've touched on pronunciation, let's go to other things. More specifically, plot and lack thereof.

I'll make it simple and go through a list of episodes from the first season and comment on how it was in the movie.... Er.. possibly more often on how it wasn't.
~Boy in the Iceberg They changed it up a little bit, but this was probably the closest to the series as you can get. I mean, it doesn't get much simpler than a boy in an iceberg. Except there was no fire navy ship that they explored and there was no flare-type thingy.

~The Avatar Returns The flare didn't make Zuko go there. He randomly decided to raid them. Lame, lame, lameness. Gran Gran is really awkward and stuff as well as Zuko. Oh, did I mention that there were a bunch of BOYS there? Wasn't Sokka supposed to be the oldest guy at the South Pole? Yeah. Sokka and Katara still don't know he's the Avatar until the end of this 'episode'.

~The Southern Air Temple Pretty much like in the series to start out. No statues, barely goes Avatar state when he sees Gyatso's bones. He has this weird vision while in the Avatar state from this lame dragon thing that totally replaces Roku and later on, Koh.

~Warriors of Kyoshi Completely non-existent. You'll see a statue of Kyoshi in a later 'episode', but that's the only thing you get from this episode. No Unagi, no Elephant Koi.

~King of Omashu Yet again, non-existent. I don't know how this will work because Bumi's a big part at the beginning of the second season (an issue they'll run into if they decide(OH GODS NO) to make a second movie.) and kind of in the finale. And without having to go see Bumi at the beginning of the second season, there's no Cave of Two Lovers (more commonly known as Sokka and the Stoned Hippies).

~Imprisoned Probably the most featured episode in the movie (y'know, besides the stuff at the North Pole). It has what looks to be Haru (he does what he does in the show, but looks only six or seven years old) and sort of the earthbender rig. But it's not a boat thing they're on. It's just a city/village that had been taken over by the Fire Nation. In this 'episode' of the movie, there's the statue of Kyoshi that I mentioned earlier along with probably the only thing mentioned from The Waterbending Scroll (I'll touch on that later, when I get to that episode). It's in this 'episode' that they decide 'oh, we should help out Earth Kingdom towns on the way to the North Pole.' But that never REALLY happens in the show. They just happen to stop places and help them out. None of which are even mentioned.

~Winter Solstice Parts 1&2 Nothing. Nada. Zip. I'm pretty sure that they don't even MENTION Sozin's Comet. I really wanted to see how they'd do Hei Bai.

~The Waterbending Scroll Only thing recognized from this episode was during the little Imprisoned section where, once they rid the village of the Fire Nation, someone hands them a stolen waterbending scroll from a cabinet. Lame.

~Jet Yet again, nothing. He's a big part of the middle section of the second season. Another issue they'll come across when/if(-shudders-) they make another movie.

~The Great Divide Nothing, but I don't really have an issue with that since it was just a filler. Probably the only thing I didn't have a problem with.

~The Storm Unless you count the little bit of backstory they give us along the way, there's nothing from this episode there. But I don't have much of an issue because it doesn't really move the plot along so much, just a bunch of back.

~The Blue Spirit Where it was placed was so awkward. It was after Aang went to the Northern Air temple (oh good golly, I'll rant about that when the episode pops up on the list). The fighting in the movie from this episode was actually pretty decent. Mostly Zuko's, though. But his Blue Spirit costume was just plain... weird. In the movie, they were supposedly trying to replicate the original mask, but with a bit more Asian authenticity. So they added this creepy hair stuff. Sadly, the movie contained no frogs. And as soon as Zuko was waking up after being knocked out, Aang ran away, without even saying a line that is crucial to the third season. I can't remember the exact quote at the moment, but it's something about how Aang had friends all over the world and in a different time, they could have been friends. Zuko quotes him on that in the third season.(Good golly, that's long for just one episode.)

~The Fortune Teller Nothing from this episode mentioned in it. I wouldn't mind so much if there wasn't that foreshadow-type thing in the show where Aunt Wu tells Katara that she's going to marry a powerful bender, and then Sokka's all 'Sometimes I forget what a powerful bender that kid is.' And Katara is all LOLWAT. They should have included that in the movie.

~Bato of the Water Tribe Nothing. I really would have liked to see Jun and her Shirshou, Nyla. And Katara and Sokka's trust in Aang needed to be questioned.

~The Deserter NO.THING. It's totally important because Aang firebends for the first time and he burns Katara and Katara discovers her healing abilities. And we learn some backstory on Zhao. Speaking of healing abilities, nothing of that is mentioned at all.

~The Northern Air Temple Ugh. This was BO.GUS. No Teo, no Mechanist, not a freaking THING. There were statues that were supposed to be in the Southern temple. And then this random Earth Kingdom villager pops up (he's the only one there. I totally thought he was the Guru at first. But that's second season. It was the only possible explanation at first.) and backstabs him and it turns into the Blue Spirit. Out of order much?

~The Waterbending Master Nothing. There were billions (obviously an exaggeration) of girl waterbenders and there was nothing about healing. Master Poophead barely spoke and wasn't poopheadish. Apparently Arnook (chief of the Northern Tribe) was dead, and Yue was in charge, kind of along with Pakku.

~Siege of the North Parts 1&2 Longest part of the entire movie, I swear. I was just like 'please, be over already, it's taking too long'. Yue wasn't engaged, Sokka volunteers to be her guard thing. When Zhao put the fish in the bag, the moon didn't turn red. It was normal. And then when he killed it, it turned red. For people who don't know, in the show, it turned red when it was in the bag and disappeared when he killed it. Yue died before Aang went all KOIZILLA (also known as Avatar State super enhanced by the ocean spirit). Actually, there WAS no koizilla. He just went lame-o Avatar State and picked up the water really dramatically, and dropped it super gently. And then the Fire Nation retreated. When Zhao died, it was a team of waterbenders who drowned him while he was floating in the air in a bubble of water. And they dropped him several seconds later. You know what I said to my friends when that happened? "Did Zhao just.... die?" one of them replied, "You know, it was really unclear." And I was so serious. I don't think one of my friends even realized that we were quoting. Zuko didn't drag Aang to the cave place, he just pulled him into a random side room.


Good gods. That's a LOT of ranting.

Next on our agenda we have my analysis of characters. And then I think I'll stop because it's FOUR IN THE FORKING MORNING AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY IN HECK I'M WRITING THIS SO EARLY. (Of course I posted this days after I wrote it, but I kinda like that last sentence. It adds charm.)

If I don't mention a character it's either because I forgot or they weren't in it.

~Aang: His tattoos sucked, he looked nine years old, outfit was lame. Almost had this weird accent that I couldn't pinpoint.

~Katara: Wasn't overly emotional, didn't have hair loopies, wasn't that... Kataraish.

~Sokka: Not funny at all. I couldn't tell if what he was holding was a boomerang. Hair was really.... not wolf-tailish.

~Gran Gran: Was called 'Grandma'. Actually pretty cool otherwise. Mentioned Hama, gave them a map and some backstory.

~Zuko: No ponytail, insanely sucky scar. Not angsty enough.

~Iroh: Not fat. Mentions tea once. Is shown drinking tea only once or twice. Not as jolly. Has this obsession with girls.

~Zhao: No sideburns. ALMOST evil enough.

~Ozai: I was surprised he was even in it. Definitely not evil enough in the slightest. Almost seemed to care for Zuko.

~Appa: Terrible CGI. Looked terrifying close-up and made the WEIRDEST noises.

~Momo: Was never named. Aang called him a 'flying lemur bat'. Name weird noises as well.

~Yue: Probably one of the most accurate characters. She looked exactly like the character and acted just like her. The only character I really liked.

I can't remember any more.

Well, that was my lovely review that I wrote a week or two ago between the hours of two and four in the morning. I always spew out the most random things at the fabulous hours of the morning. I was totally going to put pictures of the actors in it, but all I can find is Fail!Aang and Fail!Katara. And some angsty pictures of Zuko with a NOT VISIBLE SCAR. :P

I had something else in mind to write about, but I totally forgot about it. Puh. Maybe I'll just have a bunch of fab fanart. ENJOY! (By the way, these pictures are totally not mine, I just found them on deviantart.)

Yes, ZuZu, you can has Avatar.

AWWW. ZHAO SECRETLY LOVES FISH.

If you don't get the reference, it's making fun of Mr. Crocker from The Fairly Odd Parents, another show on Nick.

This one's a reference to Lilo and Stitch. How cute is that?

Zuko and Sokka are so goffik. Geddit, cuz im goffik? (Reference to My Immortal, WORST FANFIC EVER. But so fun to read. 'Loopin was masticating to it!' Check it out.)

IT'S ZUKO AND AANG DOING THE CARMELLDANSEN!

Zuko being all happy and not aangsty.

YES! SO MUCH WIN. Suko forever. :D:D:D

And then.... last but not least....

CACTUS JUICE!

That's all for now, folks.