This is when I realize that senior year will be full of this.

Last night I submitted an application to this fabulous liberal arts academy. I entered a contest last year for a thirty thousand dollar scholarship for my writing. I was like 'eh, it's never going to happen, but it'll be fun to just try it out'.

I got an email mid-January telling me 'OH GOLLY YOU NEED TO START PANIC ATTACKING BECAUSE WE'RE GOING TO MAKE YOUR LIFE STRESSFUL AND HAHAHA.' Actually it said that I was a finalist for the thing. It was good at first because it was all YAY HAPPINESS. But then they were all 'we recommend that you come and visit our campus which is a four and a half hour drive from where you live. We also want you to fill out an application to see if you're eligible and that costs a lot of money so HAHAHA. And you need to have it all done in a month.'

So I have been very freaky-outy this last month and there's been finals and a new semester. But I have amazing classes that are amazing (I think that's a given, right?) even though I have epic amounts of homework now.

And I have come to realized that in less than two years, I'll be doing this all over again. Times like, a gazillion. This most definitely gives me hope for my mental stability in the future.

But enough about angst, I need to do an interesting blog post.

I have recently forced my grandmother to read the Uglies trilogy by THE best author out there, Scott Westerfeld. She loves it and is currently on Extras. Next up for her? The Hunger Games. If I can find my copy. I do believe it was stolen by one of my friends and I can't remember to save my life who.

I will finish this post off with some of my favorite words that are known to me in the English language. That I can think of right now, at least.

• Synergy
• Advesperate
• Paradox
• Mystery
• Squish
• Fish
• Omniscient
• Octopus
• Shine
• Chrome
• Recycle
• Fabulous
• Terrific
• Vacuum
• Crotchety
• Word
• Widdershins
• Reality
• Magenta
• Bliss
• Cataclysm
• Neat
• Dandy
• Dictionary
• Barcoded
• Bewitch
• Ergo

And those are all the ones I can think of right now at this very moment. I'm sure there are more. I really love words that sound like their meaning. Y'know?

Panic attacks and me.

 I have noticed that blogging about things often makes me feel better about them. Be warned, this is one of my posts that is full of me freaking out.

I’ve always been the kind of person who is paranoid and freaks out and has just… way too many phobias. I’ve really accepted this and tried to function as a normal person.

In the last year, my freaky-outyness has reached a peak. I’m afraid to call people that I don’t know (and sometimes people I do know) and I can’t talk to people and all that jazz. Last night was the peakiest peak of that.

Last night was weird. I was getting ready for bed and all of a sudden I felt weird.  My chest pains (if you haven’t already heard, I have horrible chest pains all the time for no apparent reason, but I’m not having a heart attack I think) got worse and my arm felt funny and I got dizzy and cold and just a bunch of horrid stuff. And I thought I was going to die or something.

Fast forward to about two hours ago.  I was chatting with my wife and telling her how I kept on thinking I was going to die these past few days. And then I thought about what had happened. And I was like WOAH aren’t some of those symptoms of panic attacks. And my brain went YES. And my brain went GOOGLE!

So I went to google. And Wikipedia. I read all of the symptoms on wiki and it freaked me out because just about every symptom listed was how I felt. And it was terrifying and augh.

In short, I’m freaking out about that a little. Possibly having another panic attack about having a panic attack.

I think that is probably the extent of this blog post. I’m trying to keep it short, though I want to freak out a little. I don’t usually blog about stuff like this, I prefer blogging about stupid stuff.