Wednesday, June 29, 2011

HEY, GUESS WHAT? I'M GAY. (But I'm not gay.)

Hello random stalkers of the internet! Hello people who are here because I posted it on my facebook! Hello  everyone! This post is all about GAY. Also, if you would like to know what the song is that inspired my title for the post, please see the song IF YOU WERE GAY by AVENUE Q.

This post is my official coming out to the internet and people I know. This should hopefully clear up any questions about my sexuality.

If you actually know me in the real world and aren't just a blog-stalker, you would know that I love gay people, I have a lot of gay friends, I am part of my school's QSA, gay rights are something that needs to be HAPPENING, I love Ellen DeGeneres, I love Neil Patrick Harris, I've done the Day of Silence twice. So it should really come as no surprise to anyone that I'm gay.

Now let me clarify. I'm gay, but I'm not gay. Get it? No? Okay. Let me explain. I'm not gay as in a guy who likes guys. I'm not gay as in that I like the opposite sex/gender (AUGH THOSE TWO WORDS ARE THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE). I'm gay as in I am not straight. I like girls and guys. Bisexual and pansexual just confuse me, so for all purposes, I am gay.

I know a lot of you are probably saying, 'Duh, Erin. We already knew that.' and I'm saying, 'Just clearing it up so that you won't be confused.'

So I know my parents read this blog (HI MOMMY HI DADDY). I wouldn't be surprised if my aunts and uncles and various other family members that I am friends with on facebook have stumbled across this (HI VARIOUS RELATIVES). I know many-a-friend reads this (HI EVERYONE). I know that random people that I have never met and probably will never meet read this blog (HI!!) And I am sick of pretending I'm straight or ignoring the topic around certain people and then being out and proud in front of others. Especially because recently family members have been extremely heteronormative and they've been asking if I have a boyfriend yet.

My mommy and daddy will still love me, right? They've said so before (my mommy has said this when we were watching Ellen and she was interviewing that chick Constance who wasn't allowed to go to her prom).

I know most of my friends already know. Everyone else is so out of the loop. But if you don't like me anymore because I'm gay, screw you. You can stop following this blog or stop being my friend on facebook. But I know most people are totally for the gays, since this town is so liberal.

Since I'm probably too wussy to tell a lot of people, this is my way of coming out to you. Mostly because I am not talented enough to play the ukelele like my friends want me to.

Also I can't find a good picture of someone coming out of the closet because I guess safesearch isn't working and I keep on finding pictures of penises and no.


Also when I click 'publish post', I'm telling everyone I'm gay. READY, SET.... CLICK!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

What important things have I learned after finishing two of my four years at an alternative high school?

Since I just finished my sophomore year a week ago, I figure now is a good point to make a list of all the important and amazing things I learned at my lovely institution of learning.

  • Shoes are optional. However, there must be a layer between your feet and the ground. Duct taping the school newspaper to the bottoms of your feet is sufficient.
  • You do not go to a good school unless it has swings in the front and you use them after school, between classes and whenever class gets out early.
  • Telling the hall-monitor-type-person all about how your family likes to make pot brownies and the hilarity that ensues after is acceptable. He will make fun of you for a while afterwards, though.
  • Writing 'SEX—now that I have your attention,' on a poster telling you to submit to the school's literary magazine is not only funny, but effective.
  • It is normal for your teacher(s?) to draw a smiley face on the board, label it with your name and then hit it with a yard stick. 
  • Or instead of a smiley face, a tree labeled 'The Mighty Pipsqueak'.
  • No one really looks twice when you see a teacher and a student racing down the hall on a cart full of laptops and a scooter, respectively.
  • Watching anime during your free block is fun. Especially when three people walk over to you, ask what you're watching and recognize it and/or join in watching.
  • A pizzarito is a mostly acceptable form of snack for forum. (Pizzarito: see the disfigured and disgusting cross between a pizza crust and a burrito filling. So much sour cream.)
  • It is entertaining to pillage my classmates by running around in a longboat that we made at nine in the evening with my fellow vikings.
  • Quidditch matches draw the attention of the entire school.
  • If the theater director tells you to put the pot next to the beer and then screw in the pot, you do not question him.
  • Haribo, a kiwi and chocolate are an acceptable lunch.
  • People walking down the hall in a bear suit are often praised.
  • Lady Gaga wins the talent show every time.
  • Singing a two or more part song from Dr. Horrible is often met with people joining in the other parts and harmonizing.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

I have the coolest grandma in the history of ever.

Depending on the year, I really love June eighteenth. Why?

  • It's my birthday.
  • School occasionally lets out on that day.
  • Top of the Park usually has a movie playing that I drag all my friends to.
  • Since 2002, it has marked the anniversary of my grandmother getting a liver transplant and surviving, even though the doctors weren't sure she'd last more than five years.
Let's go through the history of a few of my birthdays. 

In 2002, the year I turned seven, my grandma, Gigi, (who now lives with me and is probably one of my favorite people ever and I love a lot because she's the coolest grandma ever) was really sick and probably was about to die and she needed a liver transplant. And on my birthday, she got that transplant she needed. It was the best and worst present ever because I had to stay at my other grandparents' house all day in their basement while my mom and dad waited at the hospital. It was pretty awesome because it made her better and not die and she's still alive and probably even cooler now than she was then. I mean, she took me to a Glee concert for my birthday this year. (TRY AND TOP THAT, GUYS.)

Also this lady has survived breast cancer twice. And all these other insane things and that make me wonder how she is still breathing. BUT SHE IS. And that makes me really happy because I like to watch Glee and American Idol and Raising Hope various other awesome TV shows that most grandmothers do not watch with their grandchildren. 

So June eighteenth is the day that I was born and my grandmother was kept alive. 

Also, if you didn't notice already, my grandma is the coolest old lady ever. I love her a lot and next year will be ten years since she was fixed. We were talking in the car and she said that back in the day, she wasn't even sure she would be alive long enough to see me turn sixteen. And she is most definitely alive today. Now she's shooting for twenty-one. I think she can do it.

Also this is my hundredth post. I think it's a pretty great post.