Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Golly, I never realized I had so many fears until I listed them all.

I've really been putting this off. I don't know what to blog about. Again.

I'm thinking I'm going to write about all of my mental and irrational fears. But that might take forever. This could be part one or something.
  • The dark.
I've always been afraid of the dark. I'm usually good in my room, but anywhere else I'll be turning on little lights or something. I think the reason I'm terrified of the dark is because it's all... dark. And you can't see the people coming in to kill you with your brother's baseball bat that they found in the garage when they broke in.
  • Heights.
I don't trust things. Machines, people, trees. I have panic attacks at the top of ferris wheels, I can't ride rollercoasters, (though mostly because I'm afraid I'll puke, which is another one of my fears.) and climbing trees has been scary recently. Probably because a few years ago I fell out of a tree and broke my arm.
  • Needles.
That's probably my biggest fear. I'll handle the other stuff if I absolutely have to, but I'll scream and cry like a baby if I'm near a needle that's trying to stab me. And I've been really freaked out recently because my mom wants me to get my blood drawn which is like... A BIG NEEDLE in my arm for like, FOREVER. D: Augh. Kill me now. And I'm even afraid of watching Gigi give herself her insulin shots. It's terrifying. I have to look away.
  • Spiders and bugs in general (besides Ladybugs, and Rolly Polies.)
They're all just so CREEPY and crawly and oh my god it's the most terrifying thing EVAR. The centipede things like to hide in my bathtub and I don't know where I'll find a spider next. I'm lucky to have a brother who can kill them for me.
  • People.
Like people at the store or the bank (oh gods, today my mom made me talk to the bank teller lady. IT WAS SO TRAUMATIC.) or people who randomly come up to you on the street and ask for directions. I never know what to say to those people. Oh, and people on the phone. For example, if I'm calling a friend and their parent or sibling picks up I totally freak out and sometimes I just hang up the phone.
  • Crying in public.
I don't even know why this is an issue for me because I hardly ever cry, but if I ever did it in a place that's not my room or when I get hurt, I totally am freaked out.
  • Getting sick in public.
Oh gods, I'm always so paranoid about that kinda thing. Like, if I feel the slightest bit dizzy, I'm all 'Okay, if I pass out, what would I hit?' or if my stomach hurts, I plan an excape route to a bathroom or a garbage can.
  • Scary/gory movies, and TV shows like CSI and hospital shows and icky stuff like that.
I don't even know if this counts as a fear, but I'm totally afraid of watching scary movies or anything because I totally freak out and hide in my room and not sleep. And if I see someone on TV who is getting stabbed by a needle, I freak out and start like, going mental. And if I watch hospitally shows, and they're talking about symptoms of this terrible disease or something, I'm running through my head and trying to figure out if I have any of them and I'm thinking that I'm going to die if I have more than two of them. I totally know that they're fake when it's a show where someone's hurt and all bleedy and stuff, but it's still so horribly real-looking.
  • Going somewhere at the wrong time or on the wrong day or forgetting to go somewhere and showing up late.
I'm always triple checking that I have the right day when I'm going somewhere because it's so awkward if I show up when I'm not supposed to. And going there on the wrong day leads to talking to people, which is another fear of mine. :D And if I show up late, everyone looks at me and whoever's talking totally is like 'Hello, Erin, why are you late?' and I have to run through my head and remember why I was late, but I end up standing there for a few seconds looking dumb before I say anything.
  • Saying hi to someone that you think you know but it ends up just being a random.
That is scary. It's talking to someone I don't know and it leads to an awkward silence and golly, all these fears are getting oddly specific.

I think I'm done for now because I have to get up early and I'm kinda tired. Toodles. Part two will probably be tomorrow if I have time.

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