Monday, August 30, 2010

Unnatural things like guyliner, Sweedish Fish and gay marriage should not be allowed in the United States.

 Other unnatural things such as toothpaste, the internet and paper plates should be banned.

Here is a lovely list that my lovely friend, Lydia posted on facebook and then said it would be a fabulous idea to post on here.

1) Gay marriage is not natural, and, as Americans, we reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and liposuction.

2) Gay marriage will encourage straight people to be gay in the same way that hanging around tall people makes you tall.

3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because dogs have legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all. Women are still property, blacks can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriages would be less meaningful if gay marriage was allowed. The sanctity of Brittany Spear's 55 hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children because straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed upon an entire country. That's why we only have one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and female figure in a home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage would change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

I think that was lovely. Don't you think that was lovely? I do.

I also think that it is getting kinda late and I have listened to Defying Gravity one too many times and my father keeps on poking his head in my room and keeps on telling me to sleep. BUT I SHANT.

Today is the last Sunday that I'll be able to stay up late and sleep in the next day. Next Sunday night, I'll be struggling to get my sleep schedule back to one that is considered somewhat normal. While I'm doing that, I'll probably be experiencing severe symptoms of withdrawl. Yes, you can have withdrawl from going to sleep at a different time than normal, it happens to me every year.

I think I said yesterday or the day before that I'd do something about school years resolutions, so that will be tomorrow, fo sho.


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